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BCS Bottom 10: Spurrier dolls and the End of the World

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

(ht: Let It Rip)

Well, last week in this space, we called USC fans “whiners.” Then a bunch of them started whining about being called whiners. Hey, play-calling is an effect, not a cause. If you’re upset about the team, look deeper than the play-calling.

That said, this week there is no moral high ground. Unbeknownst to us at the time here at the BCS Bottom 10, final preparations were being made for the rollout of our “Coach Spurrier dress-up doll.”
One last note about the Gamecocks – we’ll find out this week whether the Gamecocks’ program is better than Clemson’s. Remember last year, Clemson was 7-1 before being exposed at Virginia Tech. What happened this past weekend in Columbia was eerily similar. How USC plays this week will tell us oodles about the Head Ball Coach and this program.
***
10. NORTH CAROLINA
Last week: Bye
This week: at Wake Forest
CarolinaBlue.com’s midseason report said it best: “Nine years of mismanagement, poor choices of coaches, assistants and weak recruiting cannot be undone overnight.” Another headline reported “Carolina looks to Wake for immediate model.” If that isn’t a sign of the Apocalypse, then I’m all backwards on this end of the world stuff.
Prediction: Wake 24, Tarred Heels 14
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9. N.C. STATE
Last week: def. East Carolina 34-20
This week: Virginia
Another sign of the Apocalypse is this phrase: “First-place Virginia.” Pity Tom O’Brien, suffering with the Wolfpack while his former assistant uses his players at Boston College to play for a spot in the BCS title game. Actually, we’re pulling for the Kennel Club this week because it’s just too darned strange seeing the Cavaliers in first place. We’re in need of a little normalcy here, folks.
Prediction: N.C. State 21, Virgina 20 (dream sequence); Virginia 28, N.C. State 10 (reality)
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8. NEBRASKA
Last week: lost to Texas A&M 36-14
This week: at Texas
History lesson: The last time a Nebraska coach lost three home games, a petition was circulated to fire the coach. That man – Bob Devaney, who became the most beloved human in Nebraska this side of Tom Osborne. I don’t know about you, but Bill Callahan doesn’t appear to be cut from the same cloth. Non-sequitor – Callahan is 8-9 when wind speed at kickoff is less than 10 mph.
Prediction: Go to firebillcallahan.blogspot.com
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7. WASHINGTON AND STATE
Last week: One loss, one bye
This week: Arizona/UCLA
Washington and Washington State each are 0-4 and 2-5. The wins stopped coming on Sept. 15, but in Washington’s case, it’s understandable … their five-game losing streak has come against four ranked teams and the schizophrenic UCLA. The Cougs were blasted by Arizona. That’s just sad.
Prediction: Arizona/UCLA 106, Washington/Washington State 38
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6. OLE MISS
Last week: lost to Arkansas 44-8
This week: at Auburn
Searched everywhere for a Fire Ed Orgeron site but found none. Of course, as the old joke goes, Mississippi is so bad Alabama makes fun of it. Perhaps the site was misspelled … nope. There’s no FyrEdddOgrone.comp. Guess no one in Rebel Nation cares about football.
Prediction: Perhaps their local paper needs to create an Ed Orgeron dress-up doll.
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5. SYRACUSE
Last week: def. Buffalo 20-12
This week: Bye
Syracuse’s Andrew Robinson is a running quarterback. That said, he entered last week’s Empire State tussle with minus-31 rushing yards. That said, Syracuse snapped its losing streak, bless its little Orange heart. Proving no love, the Orange has been installed as a touchdown underdog to Bye. As for the photo at left, I posted it because it came up when I did a Google image search for “Syracuse” and “football.” Don’t know what the context was, but it’s just plain funny, whatever it is.
Prediction: Bye 7, Syracuse 6 (they’ll cover!).
***
4. DUKE
Last week: Bye
This week: at Florida State
A columnist for the Raleigh News & Observer begged Duke to stop pretending it cares about football. I want to know who his source is. Who is this individual who cares about football at Duke? Bring in Mike Nifong. Let’s get to the bottom of this, pronto!
Prediction: Florida State 23, Duke 6
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3. USC FANS
Last week: lost to Vanderbilt 17-6.
This week: at Tennessee
Ha! Made you look. Actually, this is hallowed ground for IOWA STATE. This week, the Cyclones were informed that Jack Elway, son of the great John Elway, has stricken Iowa State from his recruiting list. I want to know how ISU was on that list in the first place. Nifong! Pronto!
Prediction: Hiding from Missouri
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2. MINNESOTA
Last week: lost to North Dakota State
This week: at … is this right? Michigan? Yikes!
To be fair, the Gophers lost to a team that also has dismantled powers such as Mississippi Valley State and Stephen F. Austin while limiting mighty Central Michigan to 14 points (how to you feel about that victory now, Clemson fans?).
Prediction: Is this really necessary.
***
1. NOTRE DAME
Last week: lost to SoCal 38-0
This week: Navy
Even during the darkest moments of this season, the Irish have looked to their final four games as a chance to build momentum. Problem is, this quartet of supposed patsies suddenly developed teeth. Navy is 4-3, Air Force is 6-2, Stanford beat the team that beat Notre Dame this past weekend and Duke … well, OK, there’s one win.
Prediction: Naval bombardment

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