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The BCS Bottom 10: Fare thee well, dear Wolverines

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

From Patrick Obley at “Let It Rip” comes The BCS Bottom 10

ur little Wolverines are all grown up. We here at the BCS Bottom 10, will soon suffer a bout of empty nest syndrome as one of our stalwarts has just about played itself off our list. With their win against Penn State, the Michigan Wolverines might finally be back on their top 25 track. The same can’t be said for the denizens of North Carolina or Notre Dame.
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10. MIKE GUNDY AND JENNI CARLSON
Last week: fit to be tied
This week: in search of dignity
Carlson, a columnist for the Daily Oklahoman, took a demoted quarterback to task prior to Saturday’s game. Gundy, Oklahoma State’s coach, took Carlson to task after the game with a diatribe for the ages. Carlson’s points were based mostly on rumor and innuendo (which doesn’t mean she was wrong). Gundy wins the big Stink-Eye title, though for refusing to tell Carlson what part of her column supposedly was inaccurate.
Prediction: Dignity 1, Gundy 0, Carlson N/A
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9. MICHIGAN
Last week: def. Penn State 14-9
This week: at Northwestern
Who knew Michigan’s strength of schedule would be so horrid? Notre Dame is awful, Appalachian State turned back into a pumpkin and this week’s game is against a Northwestern team bent on reclaiming its historic title of worst team in college football.
Prediction: Michigan 21, Northwestern 3
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8. STANFORD
Last week: l. to Oregon 55-31
This week: Arizona State
The Tree is in the middle of three consecutive games against ranked foes. Top-ranked USC looms next week. On an unrelated note, every time I try to type Stanford, I miss the “T” button. Either I have some pent-up hostility against South Carolina’s governor or I really miss Redd Foxx.
Prediction: Arizona State 44, Stanford 21
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7. IOWA STATE
Last week: l. to Toledo, 36-35
This week: at Nebraska
Can’t beat Kent State, Northern Iowa or Toledo and and four of the next five games are against ranked foes. This lastest loss was one for the ages — the winning points came on a bad punt snap that flew 30 yards and was covered by Toledo in the end zone. That’s just funny.
Prediction: Nebraska 59, Iowa State 17
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6. SYRACUSE
Last week: def. Louisville 38-35
This week: The World Is Not Enough
A little James Bond theme here. The win was for Your Eyes Only, ‘Cuse fans. Andrew Robinson was The Man With The Golden Gun with A View To A Kill. They certainly beat The Living Daylights out of Louisville.
Prediction: Bond 22 in theaters Nov. 8, 2008
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5. NORTHWESTERN
Last week: l. to Ohio State 58-7
This week: vs. Michigan
This game was 45-0 at the half. Where’s the running clock when you need it? The game got out of hand so fast, Jim Tressel didn’t know what to do with his starters. “You still want your quarterback to throw to the open guy,” he said, “and if the open guy happens to be the deep guy, you throw it to him.”
Prediction: Northwestern deploys a Cover-2.
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4. MINNESOTA
Last week: l. to Purdue 45-31
This week: vs. Ohio State
It’s a bad situation when your coach makes a comment like this after his QB throws an interception while trailing by 1,000 points: “He’s got to be smart with the football,” Gophers coach Tim Brewster said. “Reserve the right to punt.”
Prediction: NC-17
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3. LOUISVILLE
Last week: l. to Syracuse 38-25
This week: at N.C. State
This just in: Louisville’s secondary couldn’t cover a three-legged turtle Bill Belichick’s video camera. There was no excuse for this debacle, leading Yahoo.com to post a story under this headline: “Struggling Wolfpack looks to get well against Louisville.”
Predicition: Euthanasia
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2. STATE OF NORTH CAROLINA
Last week: 1-3
This week: One of them’s playing Louisville
Let’s see … N.C. State was whacked by Clemson, the Tar Heels were vaporized by South Florida, Duke lost to Tuffy the Tugboat (Navy), but at least Wake won … by rallying from a three-touchdown deficit against a miserable Maryland team.
Predicition: At least one will win — Duke is playing Wake.
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1. NOTRE DAME
Last week: l. to Michigan State 31-14
This week: at Purdue
Charlie Weis said he saw a lot of progress this week. Where? Are the Irish managers perfecting the Gatorade mix? Did the laundry mat switch to All-Temperature Cheer and use Snuggle fabric softener on the unis?
This week: Magic 8-Ball says “Ask Me Later”

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